about me :: 2000 <%=$p%>september 26, 2000
somewhere along the way i lost something of myself. i'm not what i thought i was or could be. this intense loneliness isn't me but i'm driven by it; though i really haven't been alone enough. work is my only function. i've lost all other interest or focus. i've become the unhealthiest i've ever been, body and soul.

<%=$p%>september 14, 2000
wow. the site's been down for quite some time. i've missed it. as for work - we got our site launched on time - it was the hardest thing i'd ever done, but the most amazing and rewarding, too. all those sleepless night and those 90+ hour weeks were worth it. might take a little while to get back into the swing of things with electrasweb, but i'll get back into it.

<%=$p%>september 13, 2000
after a long time dead to the world, the site is officially back up a nd updates will be posted soon

<%=$p%>april 9, 2000
april. working 14 - 16 hour days for a site launch may 1st. i fucking love it. stressful, but i love it. my boss and my co-workers just fucking rock. i couldn't ask for a better place to spend that much time in. code freeze is supposed to be tomorrow, but that's not fucking happening, but we're cranking away and i'm finally doing some development and a little less management, but it's all good...

<%=$p%>mar 20, 2000
my god i had to take a break - just for a few minutes. i'm working fucking all the time. i dream work, i think work nonstop. not that it isn't exciting, but i'm feeling a little fatigued. i good run with corrina sounds good to me...if only i could just stay awake long enough...

<%=$p%>mar 6, 2000
electra's web is currently in the process of moving. it's on a temporary server for the time being until i get my dsl installed in my new, cat piss smelling apt in san fran which will probably take another 2 friggin months. it's all static for the time being, i might be able to get the php pages back up in a couple of days, but we'll see.

<%=$p%>february 16, 2000
5 days and i start my new job in san francisco. 5 days and i'm out of this shitty little city. i can hardly wait.

<%=$p%>february 11, 2000
my little 1st grader made some 4th grader cry. i fucking love that. course i didn't tell him that. but he reminds me of my father in many ways - tough as all fucking hell, and internalizes a lot.

<%=$p%>february 10, 2000
diphthong: two adjacent vowels pronounced in one syllable

<%=$p%>it rained today. it was fucking beautiful. i got soaked walking from the building to my car after work. a whole 100 feet or so. good rain, thick rain. and i saw a rainbow. is this what i have to look forward to in northern california? god, i fucking hope so.

<%=$p%>february 6, 2000
ah, the first week of february. time flies by like the fucking wind. i'm supposed to get up in 6 hours. don't ask me what i'm doing awake. it's way past my bedtime. hey, the site's moving, i'm moving, and i'm so fucking excited i could pee my pants. i started a new job 4 weeks ago. turns out it sucks. so i got offered the job i originally turned down a second time and can't turn it down again and i'm going going going. so fucking excited i can't even express it in intelligible words. we're all of us going to san francisco (me, my computers, my pets), home to many a perv.

<%=$p%>january 25, 2000
i found this site today called hotsmokers.com and it's for a smoking fetish phone line! i love that! fuck, for $2.50 a minute, you can call me and i'll smoke and talk on the phone with you. hell, i'd do it for a buck a minute. ask me all you want about my smoking habits, i'd looove to tell you about them. course you will have to leave your credit card number with me first, then i'll call you right back.

<%=$p%>it's raining here if you can believe that (well, if you can call it rain. it's actually pretty nice though and not as wimpy as it normally is). i love the rain. i wish it'd rain a whole helluva lot more than it does. it's been a pretty dry year, too, so it's been extra nice. i get off on driving through really really thick fog with heavy rain. i get positively giggly when i'm driving in it. i think weather like that is beautiful - weather that you can really feel is weather, you know? it's nice that it's sunny here all the time in beautiful southern california, but i like it when the weather makes me feel something - doesn't matter if it's sad, or sick, or happy, or good, or whatever - i just want to feel it. i want it to make my skin warm, or chap my lips, or get me soaking wet, or freeze my ass off. i want to know it's there. warm sunny days are almost ethereal - like the fucking air - how do you know it exists? blistering heat is painful, hail is painful, there's never any mistaking them and there's no mistaking having experienced them. i live in a fucking vacuum here. anyway, back to the driving - i think there's this aspect of fear, too, when you're driving on the freeway and the fog's so thick you can barely make out the tail lights of the car in front of you, and the roads are wet almost to overflowing and at any moment some dumbass driving too fast could kill you. ah, the thrill! and as an extra bonus - it washes all the birdshit off my car, too!

<%=$p%>january 23, 2000
on the way to the gym this morning i almost got plowed into by some jackass in a beemer who was too busy talking to his passenger to realize his light was red. very nice. later on while i was running errands, i saw a family of squirrels playing in the grass by the sidewalk next to a busy street. earlier in the day, between the jackass and the squirrels, i saw a dead bird in the middle of the street that looked like an angel - it's wings were spread open and were pointing upwards in a "v" and all its white feathers were ruffled. i guess it looked like a cross between an angel and a feather duster. i drove by it twice.

<%=$p%>january 22, 2000:
god, i'm antsy as all hell. ready to chew my fucking leg off. not sure why. i had to take my cat sophie into the emergency pet clinic last night because i found this open wound on her stomach that was bleeding (just a little). turns out she got an infection after she got spayed and it was an abscess oozing pus. yummy. she's on antibiotics and besides all the trauma, should be fine. me, on the other hand, i wouldn't mind waking up dead tomorrow and save myself some headache. i think this is nicotine related. or i'm having a fucking breakdown. either explanation will do - i'll let you pick.