about me :: 2002
dec. 30, 2002
my cat left me a huge pile of vomit right next to my laptop on the kitchen table this morning. yum. i think it must some sort of hint.
oh my god - that cat vomit last night (that i forgot to clean up :) - my cat was eating it this morning!dec. 8, 2002
i was listening to old kevin and bean christmas albums today in between finishing up my project and going over my assembly notes. (i ripped all of them, too, so if you know my home ip address just go to /music/ - there's even playlist files) i forget how much i love christmas music - especially the kroq christmas albums. they're so funny. i miss the hell out of that morning show. i get excited when i get to go to southern california during the week because i might get to hear them for a bit (which isn't very often - but over christmas(!!) i'll be there for enough days to listen to kevin and bean in the morning - oh, but they'll probably be on vacation those lazy bastards) most of you probably don't know them, but they're on this radio station (their website sucks - i had to download some plugin - i hate plugins) in southern california on 106.7 and kevin and bean do the morning show. i think ralph (another fella on the morning show) and those two schmucks are the funniest guys (my ex hates them - totally and utterly hates them and cannot understand my complete adoration - they're not for everyone :). jimmy kimmel was absolutely brilliant when he was on that show, too, but he's moved up in the world :) adam corolla was pretty fucking funny, too, but ralph the new guy is my favorite :)
i no longer have a morning show. i listened to the sara and vinny show for a little while in my last apartment, but i can't seem to get it here and they weren't nearly as funny. i wake up to NPR now. not anywhere near the same thing. oh god, my cat just threw up next to me. that's so disgusting. i should take a picture - damn, you can't really tell what it is without the cat right there. i woke up the other morning and went to the kitchen and stepped right into a pile of her vomit. it's mostly watery with a huge, fat hairball in the middle, but it's not a nice thing to step into first thing in the morning. she's been throwing up at least every other day. i know it probably means i should take her to the vet, but it's such a pain in the ass and i don't have a vet here and i've been really busy. i told her after finals we'd all go to the hospital with her and have her checked out. no, i'm not heartless - she just doesn't act sick or anything or else i'd be more worried.
so finals are weird. it's really hard at the end of the semester to care anymore about a class. i just want to get it done and over with. i guess i should be worried about my grades, but i think i'm doing decently in most of my classes. i guess i should still be worried about my grades, but really there's only so much i can do when i'm not that interested. the assembly class still gets my heart racing so studying for that wasn't a big deal, i'm a little worried about my calculus class cause i haven't really understood the last few weeks of class. and i still haven't finished my java project, but i'll probably do that tonight. got my prolog project somewhat half assed done, but i just couldn't care anymore about it today, though the programming language paradigms class was a good one, too. my java class was a waste of time (though the professor was really cool - all my professors were pretty cool this semester). and linear algebra i'll stress about next week after i get these finals done :)
i have this cute little girl in three of my classes (she literally looks just like a little cherub) and she told me last thursday that she was dropping cs and taking up business. i guess she's having a hard time. i kind of felt bad that i didn't help her when she asked me if i wanted to work with her on our first assembly project. but back then i didn't really want to have anything to do with the kids at school. and i was crazy busy doing some web work. she came up to me a couple of weeks ago in the cafeteria right before our java class while i was trying to wolf down lunch in the 15 minutes i have between classes to eat, and the first thing she said was can i ask you how old you are? and her eyes (she's got these huge gorgeous brown eyes) got real big and it sounded like she sucked in her breath even - she couldn't believe how old i was. it made me laugh to see her disbelief - everything's so black and white when you're young :). and we chatted for a bit - she's a real sweet girl. she looks so fucking innocent - i'm sure she is. all right - i've got to go do some java or something...dec. 7, 2002
the first full week in december over - 2003 is almost here - you know what that means? the matrix. i've waited three fucking years. just another 5 months, right? :) i remember the first time i saw it i was so blown away. i went and saw it in the theater as many times as i could. after a while i couldn't get anyone to come with me so i'd go alone. i just finally got a dvd player, but my matrix dvd (yes, i bought it even though i didn't have a player :) is m.i.a. i've been watching memento instead - good movie, but poor substitute.
i've been meaning to write a script to parse the search queries out of my logs. i tail them every now and again. there's been several insect crushing queries lately - i find that amusing. and someone had one of my pages translated into french today :) here're some other goodies:
october 16, 2002
I've been having nightmares about turning in my assignments on time, or not getting to classes on time for exams. I went away for the weekend down to Southern California to visit family and I really needed that time to do homework, but couldn't get out of it and had nightmares every night about homework. I had a big programming assignment due today that I was really stressed about, but finished it (woohoo!) (I'm always just barely finishing things on time) and now I have to study for a midterm and write a new program for Friday. The weekend looks soooooo delicious.
The other night I dreamt that I died and life after death took place in an underwater world where everything was sort of the same. But I had to squat over a hole in the dirtfloor of the house I lived in to go to the bathroom while a bunch of guys watching sports looked on (I guess I was in hell - though if that was hell, heaven must be fucking amazing). I think the shitting in a hole in the ground thing came from this book I read over the weekend, Aquariums of Pyongyang about the first North Korean concentration camp survivor to tell his story. Really terrible stuff. It's a world that's beyond my abilities to comprehend. I can sympathize and feel really really bad, but I will never understand living under such an oppressive government. I know, I know; I'm incredibly lucky.
But I'm dawdling...back to cramming...
october 6, 2002
Jesus, I think I freaked out my father. My parents just visited for the first time and I didn't have a chance to clean up my apartment. So besides being incredibly messy, I've got all my normal decorations out. My 'sex toys rock' and 'fuck work' stickers on my monitor, the picture of the beringed and pierced penis from burning man, and the picture of a business man in handcuffs both on the fridge, etc... The kicker was when I saw my dad looking at the card on top of my printer for a Michael Rosen art show with the picture of a guy with his fist up another guy's ass, and the woman with the strap on fucking her boyfriend.
My mother told me my place was a health hazard (and she was dead serious) and they both left pretty quickly after my father saw the card. We'd all had a really nice time until then - should've kept them away from home :)
may 11, 2002
A stranger told me I was a "beautiful flower in the garden of the universe" today so next time you see me make sure you use that epithet. God, the weather here is gorgeous. I spent some time with a girlfriend in the Castro, then wandered a bit in the Mission. The weather's nice and the people watching is great. I love living here.
I just got back from New York though and I've got to go live there, too, at some point. The first time I went there was right after I first moved to San Francisco and thought New York was the same as the new city I lived in. I was only there for two days for work and didn't get to do much sight seeing, but this time around after having lived here for a couple years, I realize that New York is a whole helluva lot bigger than SF. Here're my quick trip notes:
april 25, 2002
the weather's holding up. and there's lots of tourists clogging up powell street to prove it. i have to admit that even though i could walk down mason, i love walking down powell in the morning when i stay the night in union square and it's nice and bright outside and the tourists are pouring all over the streets already at 7, 8, 9 in the morning. it feels so alive. so many people, so much activity so early in the morning.
a friend of mine emailed me the other day and said he'd been dreaming about me. it sounded so cool. like living in another time and space and not knowing about it. kind of like that movie, the one (which wasn't that great, but i had to see anyway). action scenes since the matrix are so visually interesting. fight scenes are always interesting anyway, but the stop action, the motion blurs, and sometimes the unrealism of them just make me drool. anyway, it got me thinking about a person's energy. how much energy do you burn when you appear in other people's dreams? or does the dreamer burn energy to generate you in their dreams which is probably the case since it's not really you, but what that person knows of you or thinks of you or wants you to be. so if someone's burning their brains thinking about you, does it suck some life out of you? where's all that "me" juice come from? lame mind wanderings...
i just finished reading the cover story from the april 2002 san francisco magazine (yes, it took me forever to finish it), but it's funny. there're little pieces from all different types of people living in sf before, during, and after the dot.com boom and bust. it was interesting to hear how crazy people got which is funny cause i worked right in it, but i guess i never really saw it be that mad. and i was never really caught up in it - i never thought i'd make a ton of money, stock options didn't mean a thing to me, and a lot of my friends were down to earth type people and/or worked in more traditional fields so they weren't caught up in the hype either. it was really interesting to read about how san francisco changed and especially the mission district. i highly recommend it (the article's not online though so you'll have to find a hard copy version).
april 12, 2002
the weather here has been so gorgeous lately. pity i can't enjoy it cause i seemed to have gotten gastroenteritis and feel like shit. not complete and utter shit which would be easy cause then i'd just lay in bed, but i feel ok enough to feel like i should be doing something, but shitty enough to not want to do anything. i thought it was food poisoning at first, but it's been three days now and i think i'm getting worse rather than better. the sight and smell of food makes me nauseous. i'm not supposed to be eating fruit or candy, but it's all i feel like i can keep down. the thought of plain bread makes my throat swell close.
i've been seeing lots of interesting things i keep taking note of for the site, but haven't been around to update it much. yesterday on my way from my doctor's appointment to stormy leather, i hopped off the 4 bus on post at jones and walked down jones. it didnt' occur to me that i'd be walking straight through the tenderloin. i haven't been down there in a while. as you're walking down jones towards market, the sidewalk population gets denser and dirtier. the filthiest fucking pigeons i've ever seen hang out in gangs down there. on that last block before market from golden gate to mcallister/market, there were three filthy bums passed out along the chain link fence - one of them with a finger all covered in fresh blood, then you cross market and it's like you're in a different world again. know what i love about this town? i can walk wherever the hell i want to, alone, and i'm never afraid. that's not to say that i have a false sense of security about this great city i live in. shit happens. my beau was just telling me about some woman who was walking down the sidewalk and a bum just reached over with a box cutter and slashed her throat. yeah that's scary and no i certainly don't want that to happen to me, but i'm not going to cower in fear. i'm comfortable here. that's all.
oh and i saw a knac shirt at the gym the other day. god, that's a radio station from my high school years. 105.5. those of you from southern cal may remember it. i couldn't believe it - i'd almost forgotten about its existence. and that seems to be about all the productivity i can handle in one sitting. back to laying in bed and reading for me ;)
march 12, 2002
one of my cats snorts and grunts as she's cleaning herself. i think it's because she's overweight. you know, overweight people make extra noise when they're doing physical things. she's also a dainty little thing: for example, she swipes her paw in the water bowl and licks it to hydrate instead of dipping her whole head in the bowl. it's really quite a sight. my other cat is on my lap kneading away - oops, she just ran away. thank god. they're driving me nuts. i came home the other morning and after i'd been here for about 5 minutes, the black one peed on my journal. my journal, for christ's sake. it happened to be lying next to a newspaper. her litter box was dirty. she was teaching me a lesson. that little cunt.
ooh, went to the fetish ball on sunday night at the dna lounge. the first sf fetish ball. god, i went to one of the l.a ones years and years ago. but this one was put on by mr. and madame s. the fashion show was beautiful and midori did a beautiful intro piece. the music was all right and danceable mostly. it was at the dna lounge which is a cool space, but their drinks aren't cheap and have very little or very watered down liquor in them. i was there for new year's eve too, and good luck trying to get drunk. and i'm a tiny little thing, too; it shouldn't take much.
dita and catherine d'lish did a little performance which was pretty cheesy, but kind of cute. highly choreographed, but cute, sparkly lingerie. the stage was set up as their boudoir and they both come prancing out, get undressed - dita in front of her vanity, catherine on her chaise longue - out of their sparkly outfits and into some fresh lingerie, then they call each other on their sparkling, gold phones, get each other all hot and bothered, dita goes over to catherines, they have a little scene on the chaise longue where they undress each other and drink champagne, but at the end of it, catherine took a gulp of champagne, held it in her mouth, then poured it into dita's mouth which dita promptly spit out into her lap, looking absolutely indignant (but still impressively maintaining a smile). it was hilarious. i think she was horrified. whether it was because she was just caught off guard, or because catherine d'lish is an aging porn star and god knows where her mouth's been, i can't say, but i'm going to go with the latter :)
we missed some of the other performances i wanted to see, but it was two in the morning and i'd had a long day - not to mention a two hour bike ride in the south bay with my agro biking friend (who originally wanted to take me - on my second bike ride ever - on a 15 mile uphill ride. i said, mmmm, i'm a beginner, let's take it easy, but it was still a long ride for someone who doesn't ride much). but it was definitely a good time (both the ball and the ride :) and i'd go to the next one, too.
feb. 8, 2002
the other morning i walked down to the powell street bart/muni station and didn't see a single homeless person begging at the bottom of the escalator. i've never seen that before. maybe it was too cold; it certainly wasn't too early, but for whatever reason no one was there. it was nice.
i went away for a week to visit my sister. she just got into a car accident (she's fine) and was depressed about breaking up with her boyfriend. i was depressed about love and life in general. i'd started to get tired of the city, too. every now and again i'd have a moment where i'd look around me and get disgusted - just a brief moment seeing the trash on the streets, the beggars everywhere - it got to me then was gone.
but i'm back now and happy to be home.
jan 22, 2002
Ah, you just can't get tired of the city. Walking to Bart tonight, I passed some guy on 24th street talking loudly to himself, bitching out Willie Brown, calling him a "black nigger whore" and spewing other invectives. Walking past him was like floating through a heavy cloud of alcohol fumes. It was so strong. I watched the streetlight-cast shadows at my feet and saw him follow me for a bit so I hurried just slightly. Across the street. Turn to look back at him and he's stopped at the corner, standing on the slope of the sidewalk onramp, calling our mayor nasty names.
jan 14, 2002
they found a dead prostitute lying naked on the sidewalk about 7 blocks from my house today. creepy. when i first moved in here, my landlord told me i could walk up the streets from my house in two of the directions and be pretty safe and in the other two directions it wasn't that safe, but i never did figure out which direction i wasn't supposed to walk in by myself after dark.
other than the racist bitch, i haven't had any issues living here. oh, there're definitely some characters and sometimes i'm not sure what to make of them, but they're sidewalk candy, right? there're these two guys that're on the sidewalk out in front of my apartment a lot. and i used to see them all the time and i'd always smile and say hello. and i thought they were friendly at first, then thought they were overly friendly, and now one of them acts like he's never seen me before and i haven't seen the other one in weeks.
i've been writing like mad the past five days and going to bed anxious because it's all i've been thinking about and i can't really sleep and i want to get up early - i go to bed thinking about it and wake up thinking about it and it's on my mind all day long no matter what i'm doing. but it's been good. i've realized that in the soon to be five years since i left school i've only written two complete short stories. oh, i've written other crap here and there, but not anything coherent or anywhere near complete. so this has been lots of work, but it's been really good for me, too.
jan 8, 2002
tried out the female condom last night for the first time ever because we ran out of regular condoms. the most memorable thing about the experience was 'i feel like i'm having sex with a plastic bag'. to it's credit, it wasn't nearly that bad - actually it wasn't any different for me than a regular condom once i got over the fear that his penis was just going to jam the thing up into the furthest crevice it could possibly reach and i'd never be able to get it out, but it managed to hold its own very well - no slippage into the vagina.
they're shaped like a big latex tube with a flexible plastic ring inside one end, and the other end is just open. you squeeze the flexible tube and insert into the vagina (i didn't have any instructions - just this one picture on the condom package - and i opened the thing in the dark and you really should have the lights on when you're trying to using a new contraceptive product that you have to shove inside of you). but i was afraid the open end would just slip in there so i held on to it for a little bit and it seemed fine so i let it go and no problems.
i'd highly recommend it just for the novelty factor. and because condoms just make good sense :) oh yeah - new site's just gone up (today!) so there's a lot of content that hasn't been converted to the new look. and i haven't gotten any of the new stuff up yet either. so stay tuned.